Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?”
Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said he was going to give Adam a companion and it would be a woman. God said, “This person will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you have a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever needed.”
Adam asked God, “What will a woman like that cost?”
God replied “An arm and a leg.”
Adam asked “What can I get for a rib?”
Of Course, The Rest Is History!!!
New Exercise Program
I thought I would let you, my friends, in on a little secret I’ve found for building my arm and shoulder muscles. You might wish to adopt this regimen – 3 days a week works well.
I start by standing outside behind the house, and with a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, extend my arms straight out to my sides and hold them there as long as I can. After a few weeks I moved up to 10-pound potato sacks, then 50-pound potato sacks, and finally I got to where I could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold my arms straight out for more than a full minute!
Next, I started putting a few potatoes in the sacks, but I would caution you not to overdo it at this level!!!!!!!!!!
I have recently been diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.! Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder…
This is how it goes: I decide to wash the car; I start toward the garage and notice the mail on the table. Ok, I’m going to wash the car. But first I’m going to go through the mail. I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail and I notice the trashcan is full. Ok, I’ll just put the bills on my desk and take the trashcan out, but since I’m going to be near the mailbox anyway, I’ll pay these few bills first.
Now, where is my checkbook? Oops, there’s only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk. Oh, there’s the coke I was drinking. I’m going to look for those checks. But first I need to put my coke further away from the computer, oh maybe I’ll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for a while. I head towards the kitchen and my flowers catch my eye, they need some water. I set the coke on the counter and uh oh! There are my glasses.
I was looking for them all morning! I’d better put them away first. I fill a container with water and head for the flower pots – – Aaaaaagh! Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We’ll never think to look in the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television so I’d better put it back in the family room where it belongs. I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to figure out what it was I was going to do?
End of Day: The car isn’t washed, the bills are unpaid, the coke is sitting on the kitchen counter, the flowers are half watered, the checkbook still only has one check in it and I can’t seem to find my car keys! When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I’m baffled because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!!
I realize this is a serious condition and I’ll get help, BUT FIRST I think I’ll check my e-mail… Please send this to everyone you know because I DON’T REMEMBER TO WHOM I’VE SENT THIS AND PEOPLE NEED TO BE AWARE!!!
Waiting Until the Last Minute
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
“Reverend,” said the young man, “Sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.”
The minister chuckled, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.”