FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
Who is general failure, and why is he reading my hard drive?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
A mechanic once said, “I couldn’t fix your brakes so I made your horn louder!”
A shin is a device used to find furniture in the dark. So is the little toe!
How can you tell when you’ve run out of invisible ink?
Is “laughing stock” a herd of cattle with a sense of humor!
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Some people know the speed of light. How many are so smart they can tell the speed of dark?
Are corduroy pillows really making headlines!
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand!
THOUGHT FOR FOOD
There is no such thing as too much chocolate.
The best things in life are sweet and chewy.
“Chickens,” the only animal that we eat before it is born and after it is dead.
Families are a lot like fudge, mostly sweet but with a few nuts.
I was in a restaurant the other night and the waiter asked me how I found my steak. I told him as politely as I could that I pushed a pea aside and there it was.
I was in a nice restaurant on another night and the waitress asked us all if we wanted Cocktails. I told her matter-of-factly that if we were there for chicken, we would order the WHOLE bird!
A cereal killer is someone who doesn’t save any of the cereal.
Why do they put an expiration date on butter milk when it already smells “EXPIRED?”
Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Smoking will kill you . . . Bacon will kill you . . . But, smoking bacon will cure it.